Primate
Bubbles the Chimp takes face-peeling revenge on a group of hapless Gen-Z pissants for all of MJ’s rubber-faced monkey tomfoolery in this carnage-filled monster flick, a flick that had me harder than a woodpecker’s lips from the outset.
The movie involves college student Lucy, a vacuous, lollygagging prat if ever there was one, returning to her preposterous Bond villain lair-sized childhood gaff after her mum’s untimely demise, where her father, a pretentious novel-writing ponce who’s also as deaf as a post, cruelly keeps a chimp called Ben captive for his own sordid amusement.
WATCH OUT, BEYOND THIS POINT THERE BE SPOILERS
This poor creature is forced to learn sign language, wear silly outfits, and even play on a tablet to amuse his sadistic captors, whose delight in his humiliation knows no end. You can tell just from looking into his beady little eyes that Ben hates Lucy and her muggy old man to their cores, and if it wasn’t for the relative comfort of his surroundings and the neverending stream of bananas shoved into his gob, he would have gone mental long ago.
To make matters even worse for Ben, or better depending on how you look at it, a wretched flock of Lucy’s braindead mates descends upon casa del chimp-out for a much needed reunion just as the poor little bleeder is struck down with a severe case of mongoose-induced Cujo-itis, and once the old hydrophobia is in full swing, there will be no stopping Ben’s furry vengeance.
The plot is thinner than one of Mr Creosote’s after-dinner mints, but it doesn’t hold the movie back at all. In truth the plot doesn’t really matter. The once meek and mild Ben goes full retard, and it is something to behold as he charges in, ripping off the faces and smashing in the basically empty skulls of a spray-tanned gaggle of tech-sick saps.
Ben is nature’s hammer of vengeance against man’s arrogance, and it is a joy to watch a load of over-preened prima donnas get their genitalia shredded by one of the PG Tips monkeys gone postal. Highly recommended for fans of ultra-violent monster flicks